Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
