You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
