i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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