Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
can u get pink eye on your cock?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
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