His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
