I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
