For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
