It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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