Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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