hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
