You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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