I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
