Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
