Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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