I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
