yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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