im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
