But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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