I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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