please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
