Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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