you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Couch. On fire.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
