I didn't shave. On purpose
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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