meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
