i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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