The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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