no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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