Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
