oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
