BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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