i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
