I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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