i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
