Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
