you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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