are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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