I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
