my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
