he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
