I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
