Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Randomize
