a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
