I think I am morally bankrupt
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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