his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
