I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
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