He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
