Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
