I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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