my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
