I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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