Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
