Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
